I Will Endure, I Will Experience, and I Will Learn
What I CAN'T Do
With so little time to prepare going into my Spartan Death Race (I fly out in 2 weeks!), I'm not going to be able to do anything to meaningfully alter and train my body for the physical demands of this kind of ultra-endurance event. It's simply not possible. Preparing to take the step up from around where my current conditioning is at to run a multi-day endurance race is usually achieved on the timescale of years (yes, YEARS, plural), not weeks, so I'm just going to have to "run what I brung" to use an old motor-racing phrase.
Fortunately, I have some great people around me. My family has been super supportive and encouraging (even though they think I'm a bit crazy), many of you and my other friends have also been so positive with "you got this" kind of messages (even though you also think I'm a bit crazy...LOL).
But I can't help having some real moments of deep self-doubt. Like, literally tears streaming down my face while out on a walk or run, "who the hell do I think I am to attempt this?" and "I am in WAY over my head" kind of moments.
But then I think of other people in my life who have suffered or are still suffering real challenges in their lives. Friends and family who have lost loved ones too soon to illness, suicide or accidents, suffered or are still suffering from traumatic injuries or illnesses themselves that have forever affected their lives, battled or are still battling issues around mental health, PTSD, addiction and abuse, or just feel somehow anonymously lost and alone in their struggles.
I recognize then that I have the privilege of choosing my suffering in taking on this challenge and the great fortune of a supportive community behind me. I remember then that this, like the other adversities I have faced in life, is a great opportunity for me to discover more about my own character and my own inner strength in relative safety because of the amazing network of people I have surrounding me.
For those things, I am truly and deeply thankful.
What CAN I Do?
So, knowing that I can't change myself physically, and working through my moments of self-doubt, what CAN I do to prepare?
Again, I have been really fortunate in recent years to have befriended someone who HAS done this kind of crazy thing before. I have (not quite jokingly) said on many occasions before that Kevin Barata is the kind of guy I'd like to be when I grow up. For the record, I'm pretty sure he's actually younger than me...LOL.
Kevin is a dedicated husband and father, a consummate professional in his career, a leader in his community, and gives selflessly of his time to causes like the Run For Water. Oh, and he's a total badass who will crack off a 100km+ run for fun and has completed numerous ultramarathon events despite only getting into running some years ago after an injury prevented him from doing his usual training routine.
I've been there when he was in the middle of a pretty crazy ultra-endurance effort, and I know it's far from an effortless endeavour, even for him. He definitely suffers his way through a lot of it, so he was the perfect guy for me to ask for advice, and this is what he said:
"It's all about mindset. You CAN endure.
Remind yourself when you're in the lows that the pain, the event, the discomfort will NOT last forever. Tomorrow WILL come, the sun WILL rise.
Embrace the Rollercoaster that you will most certainly ride. There will be plenty of lows but there'll also be plenty of highs. Neither last forever.
Trust your training and ONLY speak positive words out loud...even if you don't believe them. There's power in the spoken word."
So, I'm focusing on my mind.
I'm drawing on the strength and support of my family, friends and community. I'm embracing the advice of friends like Kevin, and trying to really internalize their message.
I'm trying to let go of the self-imposed pressure to perform big that has come with publicly-declaring that I'm doing this, and go into this with no expectations or preconceived notions. I have no idea how I will perform on the day, and really no idea what trials I will be called on to endure.
I am endeavouring to have an open and accepting mind and heart, to fully BE in this experience, take what it offers me and make the best of it. The beauty of the Death Race is that it is so unpredictable and indeterminate in its scope and duration that, unlike a traditional "race", you have no idea what's ahead and no finish line. You just have to live with it for as long as you're able, and see who you are on the other side.
"The Obstacle Is The Way" will really be my approach, because planning is not possible. I'll just have to keep a level head, and respond rather than react to whatever they throw at me.
I also hope that, in some small way, I will be able to inspire and help others with their struggles through my experience. That through choosing to do this, I can learn something that will allow me to be of more and better value and service to my community and the world.
I may not "win" the Spartan Death Race, but I will endure, I will experience, and I will learn.